For essays by other Victims' Family Members visit http://ctvictimvoices.org/.  

On January 17, 2012, Delaware’s Governor Jack Markell took the unprecedented step of commuting Robert Gattis’ death sentence to life in prison without parole. Believe it or not, it was an immensely healing event for me, the sister of a Connecticut murder victim. It was healing because I was actively involved in the movement that brought about that decision for mercy. I joined with thousands of others in fellowship, love, hope, and joy.

Sixteen years ago, my 22-year-old brother David and four of his friends were murdered in Georgetown, Connecticut. That event completely changed the direction of my life. I was traumatized, devastated, and depressed. I lost my beliefs that life was predictable and that people were trustworthy. I lost my bearings.

Initially a capital case, preparation for the trial of my brother’s killer took several years. I started to pin my hopes on the trial to resolve some of my feelings. The delays were confusing and frustrating. Fortunately, a friend in my support group helped me understand that the trial was a separate process from the grieving and healing I needed to do. She explained that the legal process is designed to punish an offender, but not to heal those who have been victimized. Thank goodness my friend’s words freed me from that false hope. Eventually, the state of Connecticut abandoned seeking the death penalty because of the nature of the evidence. 

Had I waited for an execution to heal my pain, I would have been cruelly disappointed. I likely would have waited years for an execution that may never have come. During appeals, the horrible details of the crime would have been paraded over and over in the media and in court. During those years, my focus would have been on the killer. Having been freed from the expectation that an execution would heal my pain, I was able to get on with the necessary grieving and healing. I got to mourn my brother’s death and to celebrate his life free from the overwhelming burden of endless criminal proceedings.  

Because I was no longer depending on a trial or an execution to heal my pain, I was free to focus on productive ways to heal. I volunteered at my church. I went back to school for social work and became a therapist, even working at a women’s prison for a while. Eventually, I started working against the death penalty. I knew it didn’t fit with my values. I joined the death penalty abolition group in Delaware where I live.

Eleven years later, I am still involved in that work. Joining others to work for positive change has helped me heal far more than an execution would have. Doing this work, I learned new skills as I started telling my story in public. I met people who are dedicated, trustworthy, and compassionate. I learned that my own actions could make a difference. I learned that I was not powerless, but powerful.

Over the years many have pronounced that an execution is the way that survivors of murder will be healed. They say, “The death penalty is for the victims.” That is not my experience. Grieving and healing are lifelong processes with no shortcuts. Working to abolish the death penalty may not be for everyone, but I recommend getting involved in any endeavor that works for life, for hope, and for peace.  

I think that this case is one of the tougher ones for abolitionists, especially those on the fence, like me.  Probably not for you, but listen to this.  Understand where others sit.  It will make you a better advocate.

James Cooke is guilty. I know that with a certainty beyond my ability to adequately describe. He did murder Lindsey Bonistall, he did it while engaged in a 1st degree burglary, he did try to escape justice and hide his guilt, and he is not in the least bit remorseful. I arrive at this conclusion after serving as a juror during his first trial, and I continue to hold this belief these many years after the trial. There is no doubt in my mind about this. None.

I also believe that Cooke is eligible under the law for the death penalty. And I believe in the law. I found then and I believe to this day that the aggravating circumstances outweigh the mitigating circumstances, and that according to Delaware law, death is the appropriate punishment. That is the law/

Now before you hit the reply button, please understand that I also wish that I had never been asked to make this judgment and that I had been able to make a different judgment with a clear conscience. That is not what happened. Also, please understand that the cost of making this judgment was so very much higher than ever I could have or did anticipate when first I appeared before the court for jury selection.  Oh yes, it was very costly.

Also, please recognize that if I were placed in the same position again, whether the same case or another one, I would make the same difficult decision. I pray that never happens. I am not convinced that I am sufficiently strong to bear that burden.

Which brings me to my point: Nobody should be expected to make such a decision. The existence of a death penalty places an unfair and overwhelming burden on everyone associated with its imposition. I hear your debates against it, I recognize the flaws in the legal system, and I read about the near misses or "exonerations" that occur. Yet I reject almost every one of the arguments save one.

The death penalty is wrong.  That’s it.  It is wrong.  It hurts us all.  The cost is too high.  We damage the innocent.  We damage our society.  We hurt too many people in the process.  We should stop.  That’s it.  Just stop.

So, what makes this case so tough?  James Cooke is the poster-child for death penalty advocates.  He is guilty.  He lacks remorse.  He is dangerous, even in prison.  He has been offered a “deal” and he has rejected it.  He is so convinced that his crime is “un-provable,” that he is willing to reject the life preserver that has been thrown him, despite the overwhelming evidence against him and despite that he is indeed, factually guilty.  He is a very bad man.  If anyone deserves the death penalty, he is that person.

And there it is for many of us.  He does deserve it.  He earned it.  He is the one.  Many, most, perhaps all others deserve some consideration.  He does not.

So this is a tough one.  It is so easy to give in.  It is so easy to say, “Ok, this one time.  This is the guy.  Punch his ticket.  He deserves it.”

But no, don’t give in.  Don’t get down into that cesspool, and especially don’t make anyone else go there.  He may deserve it.  You may disagree, but surely you can see how others might feel that he deserves it.  Nevertheless, nobody else deserves to be part of the process.  Let them go.  Don’t make defense attorneys lay awake at night in mortal fear of making a fatal mistake.  Don’t make prosecutors spend their every waking moment for months plotting the death of another human.  Don’t make twelve innocent civilians bear society’s burden of being the chosen few to make that decision.  Don’t make the court reporters, the judges, the bailiffs, the news media….don’t make anyone be part of this process.  He may deserve it.  Nobody else does.